For now, Your Hand is all I Need
by MimiBlue
Summary: She kept denying it. Over and over, she pretended her feelings for him didn't exist. But of course they did. [oneshot] Eren/Mikasa, takes place in final episode!


***SPOILER ALERT! If you haven't finished Attack on Titan yet, it'd be wise not to read this. There is no real MAJOR spoiler, but i'm just saying, just in case...***

Hi Guys! It's MimiBlue and i'm writing another AOT fanfiction ( well actually its just a one-shot) after like forever! I'm sorry it took so long, i was just in a phase where i didn't feel like watching anime and instead all i did was draw it. lol. i have an IG account if u want to check out my artwork (animegurl 235) btw ^^. But anyways I just finished attack on titan yesterday and was in complete shock from that ending. I really never saw that coming. it was just so good. and i just needed to write about it. I really loved it. And now I'm a complete fangirl lol. So i ship Eren/Mikasa and Levi/Mikasa. They're both super cute ~~ and i really want a season 2. and i'm really rambling now and being annoying so ill stop now.

And a **HUGE **thank you to my 3 awesome beta's, Anivla01, Crescent-Ri, and LucyDragneel-FullBusterYu ! :D

And also, I am in the midst of thinking up ideas for an Eren/ Mikasa multi-chapter fic, so be on the look out for that as well! Though it may take a while because of school and all that... =.=

OH YEAH AND i will take some lines of dialogue from the beginning of this fic directly from the show, so if that bothers anyone im sorry. And please keep in mind that I'm only 13 so my writing may not be the best, but I hope you enjoy anyways!

I DO NOT OWN ATTACK ON TITAN.

_Takes place in final episode where Mikasa is taking care of Eren and blah blah blah._

* * *

**For now, Your Hand is all I Need**

The wind blew softly through the window, sending them both a sign of small reassurance. The girl with the short dark hair let her eyes drift over to the window.

_Now... will everything finally be okay? _She thought, almost hopefully as the sun's rays lightly kissed her cheeks. But then she chided herself.

_Idiot._

_In this world, there is no hope, only trying to survive. That's all you can do. Nothing will ever be okay. I've learned that too many times._

The sound of his voice brought her away from her inner thoughts. He had sat up now, leaning down at his sheets. Again, she caught herself thinking about how beautiful his eyes were. And how that emerald green color would often haunt her.

"It felt good at that time, you know." He said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes widened in shock and she leaned forward, horrified.

"It even felt good to get all beat up. I thought I wouldn't even mind dying." He had brought his gaze up and was looking straight ahead, that familiar determined look carved onto his face.

"Eren!" She exclaimed, a thousand thoughts running through her head, the main ones being shock and fear. He had enjoyed it? All that pain and fear he caused her? The constant worry of whether he would make it out of that terrifying battle alive?

Recognizing the distress in her voice, his eyes widened and he inhaled sharply. A few seconds of silence filled the room. Her heartbeat began to pound violently and she found herself wondering if he could hear it.

_Say something Eren! _She pleaded internally.

He slowly turned to face her. "It isn't like that anymore."

She sat there impassive, gazing at his face. It gazed back with confusion and the slightest hint of compassion.

And suddenly, in that moment, she realized she loved him. Not just a familial love, something much deeper than that. She always had, deep down in the back of her head, but she had never really admitted it to anyone, especially not herself. She supposed it had been building up for years now. Her endless eternal love for him.

Emotion surged within her and she hurriedly leaned forward and grabbed his hand. It was soft... and warm. She slowly caressed his hand with her thumbs, studying his face.

Surprisingly -and thankfully- he didn't respond. Usually, every time she tried to care for him, he violently repelled her. That had always crushed her heart. But she was grateful that he wasn't doing that this time.

He looked down at her, his face almost looking peaceful. A face she hadn't seen for years. Her emotions were out of control and she bent down, her body trembling.

"I'm glad that you...came back." She breathed.

No response.

Yet again, the wind lightly ruffled her hair, sending a chill down her spine.

"Eren!" She implored. "Don't you realize that we all love and care for you? Armin, Levi, Jean, Erwin... me."

Her gaze was still fixed on the wooden floor, not moving. Her body continued to shake. Tears began to fall. Finally, she heard him exhale loudly.

"Mikasa." He said her name with no trace of emotion, stone and cold. She became deathly silent; waiting, waiting.

"Mikasa, I..." He didn't know what to say. He didn't know she was capable of becoming this vulnerable. It scared him.

If Mikasa, the only person, who despite everything, always was perfectly calm and level-headed, was now in a complete state of disorder, what did that signify for everything else?

With a heaving sigh, she summoned her courage and brought her face up to look at him.

When he saw her face, he unconsciously blushed. How had he never realized how pretty she was? Her face was streaked with tears, and she wore a distraught expression. Her hair clung to her face, and he found his eyes wandering over to the curve of her body before hastily looking away, embarrassed.

She really was ... beautiful.

"Eren, I need to tell you something." Her hands were still tightly gripping his, the idea of letting go foreign to her.

She shifted her body so it was closer to his, and faced him. He impulsively backed away, an unwelcome blush forming on his cheeks. She took a deep breath.

"I don't think you realize that you...you're the reason I keep living. I would have given up long ago if it wasn't for you. Every day, Every day, I-" Her voice cracked. She squeezed his hands tighter.

"Every day, I-" She stopped again. She was incapable of speaking.

_Dammit! Why can't I talk to him? I'm not this weak!_

"Mikasa, you don't have to-" He began, still uneasy. He didn't like seeing her like this.

"Shut up, Eren!" She screamed, screwing her eyes shut.

He was silent, utterly taken aback.

She took advantage of this silence to try and speak again.

"Every day, the reason I keep going, the reason I've chosen to survive in this cruel world, is because of you. You are my existence, my family, my hope. The only one I will ever care about in this way. Ever since that scarf. When I first met you and your father, you never realized how depressed I was. How i had practically given up life. But you saved me. You saved me from this ugly world. You made me realize life was actually worth living.

She paused to take a breath.

"And that's why it scares me. It scares me so much. So damn much... The idea of never seeing you again. Hearing you say you wouldn't mind dying. Do you know what that did to me when you said that?! You don't get it! You just don't get it! You're so blind, so oblivious to everything. You don't understand, Eren!"

_I love you, you idiot. _

Tears were rapidly pouring down her face now, one after another, over and over, never ending.

His mouth was slightly open, unable to believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. Was this really the same Mikasa he knew? He never knew she had felt this strongly about him. He always knew she had cared for him, but certainly not to this level. He didn't know what to think.

On one hand, he wanted to deny her, as he had always done.

But another part of him, a very small, unfamiliar part of him, wanted to comfort her, make her feel at home, like he had first done that first night they had met.

And then he felt it. The feeling of her arms snugly wrapped around his chest, and her ragged breathing. Her head lay on his shoulder and he felt his shoulder grow damp from her tears.

They were both eerily quiet. Neither wanted to say anything to break the moment. And as much as he hated to admit, Eren felt reassured by her sudden actions.

"Eren... I love you." Her voice quivered. She sounded so weak. The words were barely audible and she regretted it the instant they left her mouth. She prayed he hadn't heard them, but of course he had.

He was silent once more.

_Why won't you ever say anything? _

Then, it hit her. She was unwelcome here. He never had cared for her the way she had for him, never had, never will. Why did she think today, all of days, would be different? To him, she would always be nothing more than an over-protective pest. Why did she think that would change?

"Fine then. I get it. I'm sorry, Eren. I won't bother you anymore." Reluctantly she pulled away from him, trying not to let her heartache show. She allowed herself one final glance at his solemn figure, before turning away and taking somber steps out of the room.

* * *

As soon as he heard the door quietly close shut behind him, he instantly realized his mistake.

Why hadn't he said anything? He himself couldn't find the answer to that question. Maybe because he was so stunned by her sudden confession, he couldn't find the right words to respond to it. However, he found himself missing her almost instantly. It wasn't too late. If he hurried, he could still catch up to her.

He painfully eased himself out of his bed. God his wounds hurt. They hurt badly. Gritting his teeth, he endured it and moved forward.

He hated himself. He had made her miserable. That was unforgivable. And he had promised to protect her? He was trash.

Urging himself forwards, ignoring the nearly unbearable pain aching in his sides, he pushed open the door and scanned the hall.

There she was. She was staring into the distance, her mind elsewhere. He stumbled forward, grabbing her arm.

"Ah!" She gasped as she turned around to face him.

"Eren...? You shouldn't be up! Your wounds... Your supposed to be resting."

"Right now, I could seriously care less, Mikasa." He stated firmly, looking deep into her gray-ish eyes. He never could find the right word to describe them and their unique color.

"I'm sorry." He took a shaky breath and let his eyes stare directly into hers.

"Don't apologize..." She whispered. She grasped his hand and led him back down the hall. "You have to rest, Eren. We can discuss this later."

"But-"

"No buts." She reached the door and pulled it open, gently ushering Eren back into the bed. She pulled the covers over him, like a mother would to her child, tucking it in.

"Please rest," She pleaded with him.

He disobeyed, stubbornly keeping his eyes open, frowning at her.

Sighing, she made a bold, last minute decision and leaned down, lightly pressing her lips on his forehead, letting it linger there. His forehead was hard and smooth, and she could feel the creases in it. Her hair cascaded down onto his face, lightly tickling his cheeks. He flushed and against his will, felt his eyes grow heavy.

She pulled away, smiling at him.

"Good night, Eren." And she placed her hand in his once more, watching as his eyes quietly shut. Before long, he was sound asleep.

His breathing was even and calm, like he had no cares in the world. His expression changed, and for a second, he looked so innocent. His mouth was open a bit, and his head was tilted to the side. Just like he had when they were little.

She'd missed this side of him. It had been far too since she had last seen it.

Watching him, she felt like she had traveled back in time 6 years ago. Back to when he would often be like this. Holding her hand sweetly, playing with her hair and complementing it's unique color. Caring about her.

So innocent, just a simple young boy.

That was all gone now. Instead, the sweet boy had been replaced with a young man with a blood-thirsty desire for revenge. Entirely dependent on himself, asking for no help, no guidance. Pushing away everyone that cared about him.

It pained her.

That's why she appreciated watching him now, enjoying something she rarely got to see.

She found herself getting drowsy as well. She didn't even know what time it was, what was happening outside, anything. But none of that really mattered to her at this moment.

Only him.

Her eyes slowly closed, and she began to doze off, his hand still firmly clasped in hers, their fingers intertwined.

* * *

His eyes groggily opened, everything a hazy mess. He waited for his eyes to refocus before sitting up.

He groaned, scanning the room.

Mikasa was still there, her her hand still snug against his own. It felt like she was holding on for dear life.

Despite himself, he found that he was oddly glad that she hadn't left. He smiled as he watched her.

She was kneeling down on the floor, her head resting on the soft cotton sheets, one arm under her head as a make-shift cushion, and the other stretched out across the bed to meet Eren's.

His movement made her stir.

"Hmm...Eren?" She murmured groggily. "Did you sleep well? Are your wounds better?"

"They're _fine _Mikasa." He said exasperatedly. She was doing it again. He was capable of taking care of himself!

She got up and offered him the tiniest smile. "Good. I'm glad."

_Whoa... _

Her smile was so soft, so beautiful, so delicate, yet it felt so far away. It reminded him of the way his mother had used to look at his father. A smile fulled of pure untouched love.

His face grew warm.

_Dammit! Why is she having this effect on me? _

He was suddenly reminded of what she had said yesterday, clutching him to her chest. And what she had did to him last night to make him fall asleep.

_No! Don't think about that now! _

"Eren? What's wrong? Do you have a fever?" She leaned forward and placed her hand on his forehead, testing it. Frustrated with himself, he slapped away her hand, glaring.

"I said I was fine." He grimaced and looked away. Sighing, she lowered her hand and dropped it into her lap.

"Eren. Do you remember what I told you yesterday...? About my feelings for you...?" It was incredibly awkward for her to ask the question, but even more so for him to answer it.

"...Yes."

_Crap. How could I not?_

He was completely aware of what she was going to ask next. And he didn't have the slightest clue of what to say. Well, of course he cared for her.

She was always there for him, and grew prettier each day. And he had already vaguely suspected that her feelings for him was more than just familial. But he realized that with the both of them being soldiers, fighting to survive, a romantic relationship would not be wise.

He was reminded of Levi and Petra. He had always knew Petra's feelings for Levi; how much she had trusted him, loved him. He would constantly see her blush while Levi would speak to her, and on one rare occasion, he had caught the corporal tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, and giving the small woman one of his rare smiles.

And how she'd died

He remembered Levi's expression, seeing her disembodied figure laying there, smeared with blood. He had put on a stony face, trying to seem unaffected. But everybody knew he was a mess inside.

He didn't want the same to happen with Mikasa. He didn't even want to think about what would happen if she left him.

But...

He, himself, was also noticing his growing feelings for her. What she had said yesterday had seriously affected him, in a way he didn't quite understand.

"What do you think?" She murmured, almost afraid to know the answer.

Her voice brought him away from his thoughts and he turned to face her. He had made his decision. He leaned forward and took her hand, wrapping her fingers around his.

Her heart leaped and butterflies began to form in her chest. She turned to look at him, alarmed. Her cheeks reddened.

He was staring out the window, pointedly not looking at her.

"Mikasa, I care for you. A lot." He paused awkwardly. He cleared his throat and began again.

"What you said yesterday really surprised me. I never knew your feelings for me were like that." He flushed.

"I don't like it. Hearing you say you'd die for me. That... that's not right. It's not just me that needs you. You're humanity's strongest soldier. The entire human race depends on you..."

She wasn't saying anything. She was still intently listening, catching on to every single word, syllable, sentence, that came out of his mouth.

"And I want you to be happy. I'm sorry I upset you with what I said yesterday. That was stupid of me. I should have been thinking.

So for that... I'm sorry. And I... I-" He couldn't say it. The words were stuck in his throat.

_-I love you-_

But Mikasa understood the meaning behind his words. She couldn't think anymore. A blind, happy passion surged through her veins.

He loved her. He really loved her.

She felt the corner of her eyes becoming moist but she paid it no heed.

She threw herself forward and wrapped her arms around his back, feeling the warmth of his body. Her arms traveled up to his shoulders and that's where they stayed. Her head lay right over his heart, the thudding beat calming her nerves.

"Eren..." She sobbed in pure relief.

He didn't hate her. Quite the opposite, in fact. All those times when he had violently repelled her, every time she had felt her heart break inside, didn't matter. What mattered now was that he loved her. That was it.

He didn't know what strange force compelled him to do what he had just did, but he did it. He leaned down and slowly faced her.

She instantly knew what he intended to do, and it made her feel pure, unadulterated joy. Their hearts beat in unison, and slowly, ever so slowly, he bent down and...

Their lips met. It was short, not nearly long enough, but they could both feel the overwhelming emotion behind it.

Their first kiss.

He immediately pulled away, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done-"

"Don't apologize, Eren." She replied, cutting him off. She leaned up and kissed him once more in response.

His lips were, un-surprisingly, chapped and rough, but she didn't mind. It reminded her that he wasn't perfect, that he had flaws, just like her. The roughness of them actually calmed her.

She just let them rest there for a second, placing her hands on his soft face and closing her eyes, relishing the sweet moment.

Finally, she pulled away, and leaned back so that only the tips of their knees were touching.

She couldn't stop her tears from flowing. But within those tears, she was smiling. Her gray eyes were filled with passion. The two teenagers both were both blushing.

"Eren..." She whispered and once more held him to her. He, in response, awkwardly placed his arms around her back.

He also couldn't stop himself from smiling.

"...I love you."

The wind blew once more.

* * *

_Epilogue _

In terms of their relationship, neither of them knew what would happen next. They just simply enjoyed the company of each other, occasionally holding hands, and very seldom, sending quick kisses to each other.

Would they die?

Would they live?

No one knew. And frankly, they didn't care.

But, they had each other. They would protect each other. And that was simply all that mattered. For now anyways.

Both of them felt an undying love and hope for things to go the right way. It probably wouldn't, considering the type of world they were dealing with.

Did that stop them?

No.

Because they had each other. And that's all that would ever matter.

_Fin._

* * *

GAHHHHHHHHHH . It took me about a week to finish thisssss. I know it's pretty rushed near the end, but whatever. I also apologize for any Out of Character-ness... I'm just tired. Oh yeah and I know i kinda implied LeviXPetra in this fic, even though above i mentioned i preferred Levi X Mikasa, but since Levi Petra is way more canon then Levi Mikasa, and because the scene when she died was particularly heartbreaking, i just added that in :)

Oh yeah and this is my longest fic to date haha.

Fun fact: I bought the attack on titan full ost, and played on repeat about 452535262637320 times while typing this fic. Seriously. That's all I listened to while writing this.

If anybody cares, my favorites from the OST are ( in no particular order):

track 2 (The Reluctant Hereos, awesome rock song)

track 5, (Counter attack on Mankind, brought back so much memories)

track 6, (Army Go-as a fellow violinist i loved the violin solo in this one)

track 7, ( Vogel im Kafig- SO MANY TEARS! TT^TT)

track 8, (DOA, Wow this one is epic.)

track 12, (Bauklotze- NO! NOT MORE TEARS!)

track 13, ( 2 chi jou- brought back the epic violin solo)

track 15 (call your name. i really love all the vocal tracks in this OST ^^) haha lol. and the cd case and stuff it comes with is beyond amazing as well

Well Anyways! I really hope you enjoyed :) Don't forget to Review!

ありがとう。!

-MimiBlue


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